On 'nterdependence and EQ and patterns

a crime we all plead guilty

I SCREAMED

If you have been here for a while, you will remember I had a “Patrick Droney/Luca Fogale fan era.” I shouted about them the way I currently scream about anendlessocean.

Now

Why did I scream? My Spotify is on shuffle and guess whose song came up? Luca’s!

Not just any song of his but Worthy of Love which was an absolute favorite.

Hold on

Let me dance to it.

…

Done

Next, Love me like you do by Ellie Goulding is up and I like how my Spotify is in line with our topic for today.

Relationships.

Wait, I have to bop my head up and down to the chorus.

Alright.

Some days back, I made a post on Whatsapp about wanting to talk about interdependence and emotional intelligence and patterns.

Surprisingly, a lot of Alchemists screamed yes and I had to ask if they were all in relationships or something because my understanding was not understanding.

Anyways.

1. We will break 3 tables.

2. Do me a favor. Share this with a friend or with anyone (status, etc.) as soon as you are done reading.

3. Sit somewhere quiet.

Let’s talk.

Guess whose song is playing? anendlessocean Exchange.

I will not be surprised if he emerges as my most listened to artist in 2024 on my Spotify Wrapped.

An Alchemist wrote to me to tell me about how she has been influenced to listening to anendlessocean Octagon album and I felt proud of myself.

He better give me a huge hug when we meet.

Alright

Let’s talk relationships.

No, not the glossy, filter-perfect versions they sold to us, but the raw, messy, sometimes painful, yet transformative connections shaping who we are.

Relationships, at their core, reflect your capacity to connect with others.

We were told to be independent and not depend on anyone, to mask vulnerability as weakness.

We live in a world where we must be at either extreme lines of the equation. Independence or dependence.

Yet, the truth is healthy relationships thrive on interdependence.

Yes, taboo word: interdependence.

Interdependence vs. Co-Dependence: Clarity Check

Let’s get something straight.

Interdependence is not co-dependence.

Repeat after me

INTERDEPENDENCE IS NOT CO-INDEPENDENCE.

Ruth B, Dean Lewis 28 is playing.

Interdependence allows two whole individuals to come together, complementing each other’s strengths while honoring and honing their own needs and boundaries.

Notice the highlighted words.

Interdependence is the sweet spot. The place where two WHOLE individuals come together to build something greater than themselves—WITHOUT losing their sense of SELF.

Interdependence is about understanding while you can stand on your own two feet, you choose to lean on each other for support, growth, desire, connection.

It is about sharing your life with someone out of desire and mutual respect. Throw in a bit of need.

Interdependence builds a place where both people feel safe being their authentic selves, expressing their needs, and supporting each other’s evolution.

It means I can lean on you when I’m exhausted but not because I cannot stand. Then, dependence is a toxic cycle where one person's identity and self-worth hinge on their partner’s approval or emotional state.

The world today?

Reeks heavy of the stench of dependence.

If we understood the idea of Interdependence, no one would ask “what do you bring to the table?”

Table 1 being shattered: “they ask ‘what do you bring to the table?’ because they do not see your need or where you complement them.”

Now

Interdependence is an interesting concept. Interdependence is not controlling. Interdependence is not about upsetting the masculine role (protecting, providing, leading).

Interdependence is the middle spot between dependence and independence while still leaving room for each gender to shine.

Hold on

Hold on

Hold

D2D by anendlessocean IS UP!

Let me dance.

Coming.

Wait.

…

Alright.

Back on track

When we refuse to depend on anyone, we shut people out, become emotionally distant, and, paradoxically, end up seeking validation in destructive ways.

Sounds familiar, innit?

Emotional Intelligence: The Missing Link

For all the articles, books, and viral social media posts about self-love, many still struggle to define their own needs, express their feelings in clear terms, and navigate the labyrinth of emotional intimacy.

The culprit? A lack of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is not a luxury—but a survival skill.

It is about recognizing your emotions, understanding what triggers them, and responding instead of reacting.

But it does not stop there

EQ is also about understanding the emotions of those around you, too.

Sad thing?

This skill is woefully underdeveloped in a world where we were taught to suppress, ignore, or bypass discomfort instead of confronting it.

We often blame failed relationships on incompatibility or the other person's flaws.

But I have a controversial thought: many of us are incapable of sustaining relationships because our EQ is stuck in adolescence.

Table two broken: Fix your EQ and stop frustrating people under the guise of ‘this is how I am.’ Your EQ might be stuck in adolescence.

Djo’s End of Beginning is up. Also randomly remembered the era I had this song on repeat for a while and even shared it to my then crush.

Don’t roll your eyes.

Don’t be silly.

We all had crushes at one point in time.

Now

We know how to fall in love, but we do not know how to stay in love. We want connection without vulnerability, trust without proof, and intimacy without effort.

YOU

LIE

We know how to fall in love, but we don’t know how to stay in love.

- Jescil Richard

The Patterns Defining Us

Now

You cannot build healthy relationships if you do not address your patterns.

You cannot build healthy relationships if you do not address your patterns.

For the love of God, STOP JUMPING INTO RELATIONSHIPS AND BLEEDING ON THE PEOPLE WHO DID NOT CUT YOU.

But the crazy thing with this is you might not know you’re bleeding either.

Read. That. Again.

Do you jump into relationships quickly and burn out just as fast?

Do you sabotage intimacy once someone gets too close?

Are you drawn to emotionally unavailable partners?

These are patterns, and until you identify their roots, they will control you.

Patterns often stem from childhood experiences, past traumas, societal, or cultural conditioning.

If you grew up in a household where love was conditional, you might subconsciously test your partner to see if they’ll abandon you, as you fear.

If you learned expressing emotions led to punishment, you might struggle to communicate your needs. And if your sense of self-worth hinges on approval, you may tolerate toxic dynamics for far too long.

If I Could Have Anything by Housefires, Ahjah and Blake is strumming softly.

These patterns are powerful but not unbreakable.

They can be changed, but only with brutal honesty and a commitment to growth.

We often say we want better partners, but are we truly prepared to be better partners ourselves?

We often say we want better partners, but are we truly prepared to be better partners ourselves?

- Jescil Richard

From Codependence to Conscious Love

To build healthy, fulfilling relationships, move from codependence to conscious love—a place where you two take responsibility for happiness, support each other’s growth, and lean into discomfort with honesty and grace.

1. Read Your Patterns. What are you repeating, and where does it come from? Be honest with yourself.

2. Build Emotional Intelligence. Learn to listen—not just to reply, but to understand. Understand your emotions.

3. Communicate Openly. Express your needs clearly and remain receptive to the needs of others.

4. Set Boundaries. Healthy relationships respect boundaries. NEVER DIMINISH YOURSELF TO FIT ANOTHER.

5. Give Interdependence a Hug. Understand that depending on someone isn’t a weakness—it’s a sign of trust. Be someone who can be leaned on and who is not afraid to lean back.

Agalliao by Pastor Emmanuel Iren, Nathaniel Bassey is UP!

Relationships are Mirrors

Every relationship you enter is a mirror reflecting your relationship with yourself.

The things that trigger you? They reveal the unsolved parts of you.

The people you attract? They match your own energy.

Want better relationships? Start with yourself.

Table 3 being shattered: You do not attract healthy relationships by shouting God When on social media.

One thing I have come to understand is being in a healthy relationship means choosing to be brave.

It means doing the hard work of self-reflection, tearing down defenses, and rebuilding trust.

Not about avoiding discomfort but about going through it with someone you trust. Not about perfection but about progress.

And sometimes, about breaking patterns so deeply ingrained you never knew you were following them.

We wrap up this letter with P&A by anendlessocean

In a world obsessed with independence and dependence, be interdependent.
In a culture glorifying emotional suppression, be emotionally intelligent.
In a cycle of toxic patterns, break the mold.

Xiao

Yours ALCHEMingly,

Jescil “Interdependence” Richard

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P.S. This is a safe space. Did this hit home? Write to me about your thoughts.